theme
crime
reblogged 21 minutes ago & 472,760 notes

yourroyalpenis:

gaezedkriel:

keylimepie:

accountant-in-a-can:

punkrockluna:

bubblegum-momoi-satsuki:

gouthesupermanager:

flameoflight:

well-metaphoricallyspeaking:

heruut:

i-aint-even-bovvered:

songofages:

Heartbreaking Simpsons Moments 1/∞: Bart Gets an F

I never understood why it’s an F if he gets more than half out of 100? Unless it’s more than 100. If you get more than half the answers right how is it an F?

You must not be from America. Here, grading is fucked up.

Average American Grading Scale:
A+- 97-100
A - 94-96
A- - 90-93
B- 80-89
C- 70-79
D- 60-69
F- 59 and under

And in some places in America it goes by a 7 point scale, so it’d be
A - 100-93
B - 92-85
C - 84-78
D - 77-70
F - 69 and below

Now you understand why American kid’s feel like there’s no point to school. If you have a 100 question text, and get 79 of them correct, that’s a C. That mean’s your Average Intelligence on this particular subject. And it get’s even worse when you have only like… a 10 question quiz. If you get two wrong? that’s a B. 80 fucking %. Now tell me again why American school’s are easier? 

No wait but whats the grading system in other countries?

UK Grading Scale

100-70: A

69-60: B

59-50: C

49-40: D

Below 40: F

next time you try to tell americans that we’re stupid

i’m gonna remind you

that our “average” is your “A”

Yep I was shocked when I heard this in a different post but a Google search pulls up a ton of sites backing this up.
Shit son I woulda passed College Algebra with an A in the UK. And I spent the end of the semester in perpetual fear that I would fail and have to retake the class.

And basically as an American you’re expected to get 80 or higher. Technically 70s are considered ‘average’ but there is such a level of pressure to get a B or higher, that Cs have become equal to Ds. Basically anything under 60 you might as well gotten a 0, and anything between 60-80 is considered practically failing. So basically schools have to be designed to make sure majority of students are getting 80s or higher on specific topics, which means you’re spending all your time going over a few choice facts a billion times and there is very little room to teach anything else. Which explains why American schools are of such low quality. The insane demand on the students ends up wrecking their education. Not only do you not have time to teach them anything, but they end up hating learning. Even outside of school your life is dedicated to memorizing these few dumb facts because your homework ends up taking hours of your time. A teacher from one subject says they expect you to spend 2 hours every night on their homework. And if you’re studying 5 subjects and they all demand that 2 hours? Good fucking luck, because if you don’t have straight all 80s or higher you’re not getting into a good college and college degrees have somehow become the minimum requirement for getting jobs.

I spent most of my junior year of high school in a state of constant panic that I was going to get a C in Honors Physics much less fail the class. If I got a C on my report card, I was grounded until the next one. I lost count of the times I’d wake up at five in the morning to take the early bus to go in for zero hour before school actually started for the day

File this under the exact reason so many Americans detest going to school.

reblogged 1 hour ago & 58,577 notes
To all the packs of 8th grade boys

gayboyfriencl:

Chill

posted 1 hour ago & 1 note

I have so many cute dresses I wanna wear but there’s nowhere to wear them :((

posted 1 hour ago & 1 note

I might get to go to the adtr show omg I wanted to go so bad but mom always said no (even after I met Jeremy and Kevin) but now she’s reconsidering

reblogged 1 hour ago & 1,918 notes
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Anonymous whispered :

please elaborate on how you got a substitute teacher to quit within one day. I'm genuinely curious.

mamalovebone replied:

all right everyone sit down, shut up and listen closely because I’m about to tell y’all the tale of Ms. Mormino.

Seventh grade is a time most people don’t look back on fondly. I know I sure don’t—I tend to regard that era as nothing more than an unpleasant, acne-filled haze of fall out boy and poor attempts at pseudo-zooey deschanel fashions. But enough about me. Let’s talk about my math teacher. 

Ms. Isom. Poor old Ms. Isom. Well in her 60’s, always plagued with some illness or injury, she was hardly ever even at school. Since many of her absences were the result of short-notice incidents—“falling down the stairs” was popularly cited— it wasn’t all that uncommon to not have a substitute on hand. Being a smartass honors class, we’d gotten away with several successful evasions of administration, walking cavalierly into class  to pass the next 48 minutes doing just about nothing. Hell, for good measure, we’d sometimes even toss in a friendly “hey, Ms. Isom!” if any administrators were anywhere within earshot. So incredibly anti-establishment, you could basically call it another Project Mayhem, except instead of Brad Pitt and Ed Norton concocting homemade bombs, it was a bunch of tweenyboppers with iPhone 3’s and Justin Bieber 2009 haircuts. 

 We got pretty accustomed to our own little self-governing system that rolled around every second period, so we naturally weren’t exactly thrilled when administration caught on to our little Anarchy Act and strictly enforced the presence of a substitute every day. 

Most of our subs weren’t terrible—most were friendly, gave us participation grades, and didn’t object to the independent attitude of our class (which, mind you, only had about ten students in it) 

That is, until Ms. Mormino came along. 

Four feet, ten inches of raw, undiluted evil, Ms. Mormino walked into class with a scowl on her face and a chip on her shoulder. When the girl behind me sneezed, Ms. Mormino’s immediate response was “NO INAPPROPRIATE NOISES!” 

 Although we all suppressed our laughter, we all knew from that moment on that, try as she might with her despotism and her draconian anti-sneeze policy, Ms. Mormino didn’t stand a chance. 

 The arguable beginning of the end for Ms. Mormino’s all-too-brief reign of terror was the moment I asked for a calculator; mine was broken. Mormino asserted that I could only borrow a calculator if I loaned her something of mine; at that moment, the girl next to me chimed in, saying she, too, needed a calculator. “I have a folder I can give you,” I offered. “I have a highlighter,” added the other girl. 

 At that moment, a puberty-creaking voice from the back of the room piped up. 

Max. 

We all know certain people have certain gifts. Michelangelo saw angels in every block of marble and devoted his life to setting them free; Einstein had a mind which saw the potential of the entire universe; F. Scott Fitzgerald wove intricate tales of decadence and depravity. Max, however, had a different kind of gift: he could make anything—anything at all—into a “that’s what she said” joke. More on that later, though. 

Max pried off a Nike sneaker and held it proudly in the air, like a coveted trophy. 

"I have a shoe." 

Tottering in one-shoe-one-sock, Max dumped the sneaker on Ms. Mormino’s desk, retrieved a calculator, then tottered back to his own desk, a sort of smirk playing on his face. And, as to be expected—the rest of us quickly followed suit. 

 A small pile of shoes on her desk, Ms. Mormino grit her teeth and glared at us as we all sat back down, quietly victorious, a calculator in each of our hands. It wasn’t long, however, until we all began to silently plot our next act of minor mayhem. 

"Can I go to the bathroom?" asked Tyler, who, despite being in seventh grade, was approaching his sixteenth birthday. In a combination of verism and admiration of Tyler’s devil-may-care boldness, we unequivocally accepted him as our leader. For reasons unknown, Ms. Mormino denied his request. Tyler, much like his Fight Club namesake, heeded no rules but his own and left anyway—Ms. Mormino, furious, locked the door behind him and smugly insisted that "administration will take care of him." 

Tyler, however, was not one to be caught, and stayed close by, appearing in the window of the door whenever Ms. Mormino wasn’t looking. Waving, smiling, laughing, making faces and obscene gestures, Tyler had us all in stitches, but cleverly avoided Ms. Mormino’s sight—when she asked us what was so funny, we all refused to give Tyler away. 

A girl asked to go to the bathroom, stating she “really really really” needed to go. Ms. Mormino, again, denied her request. Ms. Mormino, however, seemed to be uninformed about the side door—leading right outside, always locked from the outside but always open from the inside. 

"Well, I’ll go myself," the girl responded, and took off, hurdling three desks and darting out the door. Right behind her, two other students took off, pursuing freedom. The door slammed behind all three students, and they were gone. 

 Six of us were left. Among us, importantly, was Chris. 

Chris was thirteen, but looked half his age; scrawny, wiry, he probably measured in at about four-foot-three, but no taller. “Late Bloomer” are words that come to mind. 

Despite his diminutive size, Chris possessed the gall of someone like Tyler.

"I have to use the bathroom," said Chris, standing. 

 ”Do you think I’m going to allow you to go to the bathroom?” snapped Ms. Mormino. 

 ”It’s an emergency!” Chris pleaded. 

"Sit down," Ms. Mormino growled. 

Meanwhile, the entire class borders on hysteria. We have tears in our eyes, almost suffocating from choking back laughter. 

"It’s an emergency," repeated Chris, but it sounded more like a warning.

"Sit."

Silence. Silence, Silence and more silence, until we all began to notice a dark stain on Chris’s khakis. The stain grew. And grew. And grew.

 Fists at his sides, stoicism in his face, and a cold, proud, triumphant glint in his eye, Chris locked eye contact with Ms. Mormino. 

And pissed right in his pants. 

The entire class erupted into a laugh only comparable to the detonation of a bomb. 

We laughed so hard for the next five, ten, fifteen minutes straight that Ms. Mormino gave up. Surrendering, putting her head on her desk, she waited until the hysteria finally subsided. 

Finally looking up, defeated, pathetic, Ms. Mormino glared at us all and wailed: 

 ”This is too much, this is too hard, too hard, Jesus Christ, this is too much for me!” 

 A lone voice sounded from the back of the room. Guess whose it was.

"That’s what she said."

Ms. Mormino officially retired from teaching that afternoon.

rosebloodreaper:

miss-nerdgasmz:

grinningmoonlight:

mysticmoonhigh:

FUCKING READ IT IT’S WORTH IT

I FUCKING BEG ALL OF YOU TO READ THIS

WRITE A BOOK

THIS WAS AMAZING.

reblogged 2 hours ago & 331,173 notes

awkwardvagina:

if i was famous id probably just ask my fans to buy me food when im hungry 

#ME
posted 5 hours ago

Guh I love my best friend

reblogged 5 hours ago & 168,666 notes

anchors-awaysailor:

Things Girls Have To Do In The Shower:
-shave
-shampoo hair
-condition hair
-wash the face (have you ever tried to get makeup off)
-wash the body
-try to get conditioner out & fail to get it all out
-did i mention shave that takes a long time
-like summon satan and stuff

Things Boys Have To Do In The Shower:
-i dunno i think my brother uses soap sometimes

Don’t complain when my shower’s not 5 minutes long

reblogged 14 hours ago & 1,282 notes
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iraffiruse:

The potatoes have escaped

posted 14 hours ago

I look sick bc no makeup

/************** FLAGS UPDATES TAB **************/ /* tutorial by deanlirium|tumblr (clarence.tk) */ #flags { position:fixed; top:100px; /* distance from the top of the page - adjust as you wish! */ left:-10px; text-align:center; text-transform:uppercase; /* the text is in all caps - delete this line and it won't be */ color:#8C8C8C; /* change text color: use sites like http://www.colorpicker.com/ or the tumblr thing, copy the code it gives you and paste it! remember the #! */ font-size:8px; /* adjust font size */ letter-spacing:1px; z-index:2147483607; font-family:calibri;} #flag1 { border:solid 6px #4A4A4A; /* flag color */ border-right:solid 6px transparent; /* IMPORTANT! -- to make the flag thicker increase the border and border-right value; it looks better if they both have the same number! */ padding-left:10px; width:20px; /* increase or decrease to change the lenght of the CLOSED flag */ height:0px; position:absolute; -moz-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -webkit-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -o-transition:all 0.7s ease-out;} #flag1:hover { width:180px;} /* lenght of the OPEN flag */ #upd1 { position:absolute; width:110px; padding:10px; padding-left:60px; /* adjust this if you've changed the length of the open flag, subtract what you add here to the 'left' value below */ left:-180px; margin-top:6px; /* keep this number equal to the 'border' value for the flag */ opacity:0; -moz-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -webkit-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -o-transition:all 0.7s ease-out;} #flag1:hover #upd1{ left:0px; opacity:1;} /* following is the coding for the other flags - same as above! */ #flag2 { border:solid 6px #8C8C8C; margin-top:20px; position:absolute; border-right:solid 6px transparent; padding-left:10px; width:20px; height:0px; -moz-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -webkit-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -o-transition:all 0.7s ease-out;} #flag2:hover { width:180px;} #upd2 { position:absolute; width:110px; padding:10px; padding-left:60px; left:-180px; margin-top:6px; opacity:0; -moz-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -webkit-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -o-transition:all 0.7s ease-out;} #flag2:hover #upd2{ left:0px; opacity:1;} /*if you want more flags, just copy the part of the code below and change the numbers - then increase the margin-top value for the #flag(number) adding 20px each new flag! copy from here: */ #flag3 { border:solid 6px #B3B3B3; position:absolute; margin-top:40px; /* this one! */ border-right:solid 6px transparent; padding-left:10px; width:20px; height:0px; -moz-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -webkit-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -o-transition:all 0.7s ease-out;} #flag3:hover { width:180px;} #upd3 { position:absolute; width:110px; padding:10px; padding-left:60px; left:-180px; margin-top:6px; opacity:0; -moz-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -webkit-transition:all 0.7s ease-out; -o-transition:all 0.7s ease-out;} #flag3:hover #upd3{ left:0px; opacity:1;} /* to here */
write here for the first flag